I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
