I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
