living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
