the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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