32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
