Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
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