Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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