I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I look better un-naked...
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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