I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
