I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
