The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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