he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
