Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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