I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
