somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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