worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
