i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
