I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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