Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
