Don't you send me to vm
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
