Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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