i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Drunk is a universal language darling
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
