I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
