I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
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