You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
