Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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