Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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