did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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