i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
