It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
