Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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