the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
