she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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