Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
