god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
