got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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