Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
