I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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