I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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