You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
