I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
