Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
