youre lurking in front of me
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
