I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I intend to get homeless drunk
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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