I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
