Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
