at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
