I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
