fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
