I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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