seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
My vagina just recognized that song.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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