So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
her facebook's as public as her vagina
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
