you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
