She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
