You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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