Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
