I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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