if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
